Sometimes even the most rational people do crazy things which can sabotage their lives in all sorts of ways. An angry word, an indiscretion or even an impulsive social media post can be enough to ruin a relationship or wreck a business opportunity.
I know from personal experience how easy it is to fly off the handle over a trivial thing and then look back later and wish you had handled the situation differently.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and so is self-awareness.
But sometimes self-awareness is a hard thing to come by – you literally cannot see the wood for the trees as you rush hither and thither, getting on with your everyday life.
In today’s busy world it can be so difficult to find the time to delve deeper into ourselves to look at what we could do differently to achieve better outcomes – so often it’s easier to fall into a victim mindset, believing it is the circumstances and people around us who are responsible for us failing to achieve happiness and success.
We blame a deprived childhood for our career failures, we blame an abusive spouse for our dependence, we blame our boss for making us unhappy in our work.
It’s always easier to blame someone else for their actions than it is to look closely at our own role in our “misfortune”.
We believe we are “broken” or victims and that gives us all the excuse we need to carry on as we are, failing to move forward and strive for what we want in life.
But this mindset is wrong. We are just lying to ourselves if we believe we are not in control of our own destiny and hand responsibility for our future over to something outside of ourselves – another person, for example, or a set of circumstances.
What we really need to do is to start taking responsibility.
Sound easy? No, of course it can be hard to move out of our comfort zone – however uncomfortable it is there.
If you are stuck in a cycle of excuses and blame, one option is to enrol the help of a life coach.
What is life coaching?
Every life coach you speak to will probably have their own definition of what it is they do and the purpose of it.
This is my definition…
Life coaching is purposeful conversation that empowers you to discover your true purpose and take the first steps out of your comfort zone and put aside your self-limiting beliefs to achieve your goals and become your best self.
Watch my What is Life Coaching? video.
What you will learn from a life coach...
Wherever you are in your life, whatever you have done and whatever circumstances or people you believe are standing in your way, life coaching will help you to understand a number of important things.
1. There is no such thing as a bad intention.
An individual will always make the best choice they can, according to the information they have available to them at the time.
All our actions have at least one goal – to accomplish something that we value and that will benefit us. An individual is not their behaviour. When a person becomes aware that there’s a better choice of behaviour that will also achieve their positive intention, they’ll take it.
2. The past doesn’t equal the future.
People are scared of failure and this is the primary reason why they don’t go on to do the things they really want in life. In
In life, we’re basing every decision that we make on similar decisions we’ve made in the past and the consequent outcomes that we’ve experienced.
If someone believes that their past equals their future, they’re going to expect similar results in their future to what they’ve experienced in the past. If they’ve experienced a lot of hurt or rejection in their past they are going to be less likely to go on and pursue their dreams, take risks and do the things they really want to do.
A life coach will help to manage these internal processes and help you to get out of the rut by shifting your perspective off of the past and on to the future.
3. No one is ‘broken’.
No one is wrong or broken. No one is a victim. Many people believe that they are and this limiting belief is what holds them back and prevents them from doing the things they want to do in life.
A life coach can help people recognise and accept just how ‘unbroken’ they actually are which means that there’s potentially nothing that they can’t go on to achieve in life.
4. Everything is achievable.
If one person can do something, it’s possible to model it and teach it to others.
Therefore, everyone can learn to get better results in their own way. We all have the ability to do all things, all of the time. The only thing that’s holding us back from doing the things we really want to do in life, is the appropriate strategy.
A life coach helps people realise and accept that there’s nothing they can’t achieve in life. By eliciting the appropriate strategy, anything is achievable.
5. Empowerment comes via responsibility.
Many people live completely disempowered lives because they haven’t taken full responsibility for themselves.
Many individuals believe that they are ‘victims’ of the circumstances that life throws them.
Although bad things do happen in life, we always have a choice as to how we act and respond to our circumstances.
Helping people to realise and accept this empowers them to develop an inner resilience so that they no longer allow circumstances to ‘crush’ them but instead push through to achieve the things they really want in life.